a fatal attraction to cuteness

when the grief disappears i'll still be left with regret and remorse. My eternal punishment for being such a jerk.

ode to books i once owned but no longer rest on my shelf

palahniuk - stranger than fiction, lullaby, diary, choke, haunted
vonnegut - breakfast of champions, slaughterhouse 5,
salinger - catcher in the rye

may ye return to your brothers and sisters and overflow onto the floor and other parts of the house once again

my two loves. trainwrecks and hilarious mash ups/remixes

today my day consisted of;
waking up late.
not drinking coffee because there was no (soy)milk
not showering
making the bed
straightening my hair
washing clothes
fixing my sewing machine (finally!!)
and
drinking tea whilst listening to sleater kinney

i bought my train tickets to go to my mums house, i downloaded stuff off itunes to listen to on the way. road trip from hell. i just need to pack my bags.

not having a job is pretty boring, but its so nice to not work. i saved up heaps so i could relax and do whatever i want and i guess boredom is where all my creativity stems from.
i want to make more stencils, patches, shirts, jewelry, vegan soap/shampoo and maybe get a new haircut.
i want to hang out with people on their days off. i want to buy weird and crazy old kitsch things for my house.
i want to get tattooed.
i want to make things - like a spice rack for andys birthday. and i want to make him a suprise rad birthday cake like in the shape of a piano or something.

i used to think i always knew what i wanted from life.
i was wrong. so wrong.
i change my mind everyday and as each day passes i am more and more unsure of what i want.
i talk myself in circles trying to make sense of it all.

holy shit.best few days ever. about to possibly get better.
we are invincible!

someone please help me I cant see straight seems ive been drinking too much of late and have you seen the powers of your gods oh please dont share your wisdom. summer came again its staying forever its tied to my ribcage and its going nowhere.anyway, I don't know i get the feeling that anything is possible if only I could sleep. discuss then disgust runs through my veins. these conversations take us nowhere i never want so see another winter
Its still a fact I never asked to be here.

hell im ready for what waits return my body to the leaves with your ghost singing me to sleep i can hear the melody sing maybe you can still turn it around i know but the rain it haunts my mind if you knew what it meant to keep your heart the same i swear to god you'd have tried harder not to change

im gone this time
im really leaving

death keeps calling me, shes gonna set me free. no more sunshine sidewalk streets or misery. like she did for you oh how you suffered. lower east-side apartment we stayed up late.the bones inside your mind where all broken and the keys that opened any answers were all stolen. filling and refilling up the glass with makers we both agreed the final moment the sweetest remedy to ever be delivered. heaven or heavenless were all headed for the same sweet darkness.so she came for you, well I guess you wanted her to.now in the safety of a coffin rest youre through.no more debts or memories no more heart blood or skin on teeth.final dosage to set you free.
heaven or heavenless were all headed for the same sweet darkness

a coma might feel better than this, attempting to discover where to begin. youre weighed down, youre full of something. Of sickness and desertion.youre weighed down, youre full of something, youre underneath it all. So say goodbye to love and hold your head up high. theres no need to rush were all just waiting, waiting to die. hoping a better place is all I need with moments of innocence and mystery. oh, its the little things you miss. like waking up all alone. oh, its the little things you miss when you're underneath it all. all your friends seem like enemies when you're broken down and empty.

J:I really should go! I've gotta catch my ride.
C:: So go.

J: I did. I thought maybe you were a nut... but you were exciting.
C: I wish you had stayed.
J:I wish I had stayed to. NOW I wish I had stayed. I wish I had done a lot of things. I wish I had... I wish I had stayed. I do.
C:: Well I came back downstairs and you were gone!
J:: I walked out, I walked out the door!
C:: Why?
J: I don't know. I felt like I was a scared little kid, I was like... it was above my head, I don't know.
C: You were scared?
J: Yeah. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation.
C: Was it something I said?
J: Yeah, you said "so go." With such disdain, you know?
C: Oh, I'm sorry.
J: It's okay.
C: Joely? What if you stayed this time?
J: I walked out the door. There's no memory left.
C: Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one.
C: Bye Joel.
J: I love you...
C: Meet me... in Montauk...

all aboard the sinking ship
my volatile vessel
horns blasting in the night
avoiding obstacles
headed away from the lighthouse and
its blinking beacon

how can somebody be just a memory? how can that be all we have of them. a picture of them in the back of your head. a piece of a conversation repeating itself over and over again. tears dont bring them back. nothing does. so you keep those memories and hold them as tight as you can, hoping that you never forget until one day becoming just a memory yourself.

so today Andy got me an xmas present. A 6 month gym membership. which is good coz i am so shit at getting motivated. so when i see the card sitting here and im on the internet i will feel shit and make my housemates come with me to the gym. yay. i wish i could swim coz i cant and i think it would be way fun.

this year we got house xmas presents and i brought a screen printer. so far i have made a shirt with our house logo on it(cute) and i stencilled a banksy/warhol ripoff of madonna for someone at my work as a present.(arty) im also making a daft punk shirt, sleater kinney, jets to brazil shirts for work people. and some alice in wonderland style stuff for myself.

getting showered in vegan gifts is fun. vegan nutella,hommus, almonds and avocados are my favourite presents.

wanting to get new tattoos too. i hate the itch i get for them. antsyyyyy.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
became vegan

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i don't remember making any coz i never keep them

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
sister did

4. Did anyone close to you die?
no

5. What countries did you visit?
japan

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
more partying. i was so straight edge this whole year

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
going to japan

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
being the boss at work! wooo

9. What was your biggest failure?
not going to the gym ever!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
im always sick.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
harajuku lovers/l.a.m.b

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
all my housemates for being super awesome


13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
my family - they are crap

14. Where did most of your money go?
i went overseas and bought heaps of stuff off ebay

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
japan

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
britney. any of it.


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier - no depression spaz outs that need mentioning
b) thinner or fatter? i lost 4 kilos then put it back on from japan!
c) richer or poorer? the same

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
travelling

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
working

20. How will you be spending NYE?
dont know yet!

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
no

23. How many one-night stands?
no

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
futurama.summer heights high.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
i dont hate

26. What was the best book you read?
bukowski

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
josh pyke / tegan and sara

28. What did you want and get?
managerial role

29. What did you want and not get?
skinny

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
harry potter

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i turned 25, but i dont remember what i did. maybe had dinner with housemates.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
more money and travel

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
overtaken by gwen stefani mixed with black shirt and pants and too many hair colours

34. What kept you sane?
coming home and chilling out, reading books and cooking

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
josh pyke

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
the election.goodbye john howard.

37. Who did you miss?
nattie - i miss having girl friends and just gossiping and hanging out like at school


38. Who was the best new person you met?
anyone at my work theyre fucking awesome

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
have awesome friends, get rid of all the negativity and life gets way more awesome.

why do i waste my days off?
i need a hobby

trait snapshot:

clean, organized, dislikes chaos, semi neat freak, perfectionist, traditional, realist, fits in most places, enjoys managing others, risk averse, good at saving money, prudent, respects authority, high self control, hard working, does not like to stand out, follows the rules, finisher, resilient, takes precautions, cautious, honest, unfamiliar with the dark side of life, practical, dutiful

i get so obsessed

josh pyke
tegan and sara
gwen
japan
kokeshi

i told myself i'd spend today reading.....not the internet.

i also need new hair ideas. show me some. blonde. short. indie.

will post up some japan photos soon.

draaaaaaaaammmmaaaaaaaaaaaaa